I felt the Autumnal Equinox energy potently this past week. Returning from a nine-day road trip to California and over sixty hours roundtrip in the car, I feel new energy riding in upon the wind. This wind rustles leaves not quite ready to release from branches that still carry a hint of moisture and moss. I too feel myself holding onto the last breath of summer. Just a little, though. My grip is loosening. I am ready to let go. I am ready to open to a new season where the moon and darkness hold more weight than the sun and light. I feel a lightness in my heart as I surrender to the shortening days, the cooler weather, the call to draw inward to my kitchen. A sense that life wants to settle into something more stable and rooted as the darkness stretches out on either end of the day. A deepening exhale towards the winter Solstice. Where the summer felt like a constant burning fire, wild and deep with penetrating heat and humidity, autumn and the cool wind, crisp and dry, is a balm to my body and mind.
Change. I need it. A fresh canvas to paint the pictures of my soul upon. New ground, cold and dry, sprinkled with curling autumn leaves that I shall dance upon with bare feet that have endured so many steps recently.
My plants, one at a time, call me to bring them back inside, where for the last several months they’ve sat nestled in my garden among the mugwort, yarrow and chamomile that will soon wither and return to the earth.
As the autumnal winds ride across the golden wisps of tall summer grass, I feel the call to shed. I know I must. Like the trees that are now beginning to drop their leaves, so slowly, just one or two at a time, I feel my own soul preparing to release what is no longer aligned with the path I have chosen, the path I have prayed for. There is both a sadness and a rightness to this letting go. Like the leaves, I know it’s time and I mustn’t resist. For if I do resist, the wind will force me. So, I choose grace. I choose acceptance to what must be.
What was serving me before, no longer does. What was, has served its purpose. Beautifully, deeply. And for that, I am so grateful. Yet, knowing it’s time to move on does not always make it easier. What is it we fear in letting go? The space between, I think. “Leap and the net will appear.” When we are asked to let go, rarely can we see what we are leaping towards. Usually, we only see the empty space between; where we are and where we will be. A liminal space, where we are suspended. With nothing to do but trust that the path that we cannot yet see will appear beneath our feet. Yet, it always does. Sometimes, just in time.
This is where I find myself as September closes and October opens. My life needs me to tend to different things now, and to heed this call I must let go of other things, like the children I’ve looked after for nearly two years. Children who taught more than I could ever express with words, who’s souls are rich and wise and wild and who have showed me how to be the same. I’m also letting go of a romantic relationship that far outlived its expiration date, something that’s been long dead that I keep, painstakingly, trying to revive. I was afraid to let it go, for when I did, I knew the grief would come too, absolute and final this time- and thus so sharp and heartbreaking. These have been hard things to say goodbye to. They have been hard conversations to have. Yet, I had them. And I feel more peaceful because of it. Grief still sits in the cracks of my heart, but I feel more aligned on my path, closer to my purpose. There is a sweetness that comes with following your intuition, even when that means making hard decisions. My intuition has never led me astray, nor will it ever. Continually I learn to trust this, to listen to my body, which is intrinsically connected to my soul.
Loss and letting go has been a strong theme in my life for longer than a year. I continue to be called to the feet of this wise and challenging teacher. Surrender. I’ve had to let many things go recently. None of them have I wanted to release. All of them I knew I must. And in this space of loss the voice of Spirit whispers, “surrender and trust.” And so, I remember that life has always given me what I want. And more importantly, life has given me what I need. Life has responded to the deep yearnings of my soul. Desires and needs buried deep in my heart. We are held in the divine arms of Love. This intelligence responding to the call of our hearts. Trust it.
We know when it’s time for something to change. We are mirrors of nature and nothing in nature stays the same. The earth, the air, the sky and sea are ever changing. And so must we gracefully and willingly change too. To be like the earth and know when it is time to shift. Even if we don’t feel ready. Like nature, Life knows, our souls know the way to hold us in divine balance. May we listen to our intuition. An unyielding voice within, telling us how the winds of our life are changing and how to align ourselves in the direction that runs with this sacred wind.